5 Years Recovering From Reverse Culture Shock

    It's not unfamiliar for exchange student alumni to hear the term "reverse culture shock". According to Investopedia, reverse culture shock is the emotional and psychological distress suffered by some people when they return home after a number of years overseas. As an Indonesian-born who went to the United States for one school year, I for sure have experienced this. But what happens if I tell you that it can take a longer time for some others at recovering from culture shock? What if I tell you that it took me around 5 years to finally make peace with myself and accept that everything that's happening around me right now should be embraced wholeheartedly? 

Here are some things that I experienced that prolong my sufferings: 

Dear younger fellow exchange student alumni, read this carefully so you won't experience the long-suffering I had been through

1. Being critical towards my environment

    For exchange students, it took a lot of dedication to get used to things in the host community. But when we finally succeed and finally blend in a new environment, we have to go back to a place where you once called home and that might be the place where we were raised for many years. we might feel excited when we return home to finally meet our family and old friends. But "shoot, why don't everyone here say "thank you" as much as people in Illinois? Why aren't many people here bothered by this amount of pollution? Why is this city so full of people who are just too hesitant to take public transportation? Oh come on, we have too many vehicles in this city!" That's what I felt after two months living in Medan, Indonesia and two months after departing from the United States for my exchange study program. The honeymoon phase was all ended and I stopped feeling excited. 

I know it's good to express distress as a teenager for emotional relief but does not mean we have to be dramatic and complaining all the time. All of the things that we dislike about our hometown comes from an improved way of thinking after we have travelled enough to learn about all the good stuff that's happening in our host community. With this new way of thinking, our presence would be very beneficial to our environment because we can spot the problem that people in our community didn't think existed. Practising critical thinking is good only if we have systemic thinking in finding solutions. There's always something wrong when we have an eye for something wrong. Why don't we take a rest and let the stress go? A lot of things in our environment are just something that we can't control or maybe it can only if we take revolutionary actions, which complaining is just not one of them. 

2. Being critical towards the people around me

    At some point, we all want to be understood. I, myself want to be understood too. Something that I didn't quite understand is while I was travelling the world, meet new people, and learning a new culture, my family and my old friends still live in the same city and doing similar activities. I didn't realize how my experience was shaping me into somebody who now has different values and beliefs about the world. It was really frustrating to witness how these people treating me in a way that they think I like it which I actually don't. It feels so isolating and lonely that people who were once very close to me aren't interested in a new topic that I like to discuss. It felt like I was losing some friends. But now I realized that it's not their job to understand me. I was seventeen when I experienced this for the first time. People come and go and it took some time to realize it's actually good. Your vibe will attract your tribe anyway, the more you showcase the new you, the more likely your new friends are coming. 

    

    Now that it's been more than 5 years since departing from the U.S., I have to accept that I still miss my exchange student life. It's the greatest achievement that I have ever done in my life. But the world keeps moving, and I should not feel stuck. It's time shift my focus towards what's happening and appreciate it instead of focusing on what's missing. Just because I wasn't talking about my exchange life that often, doesn't mean I already found closure in the past. The purpose of this writing is to solidify the feeling of closure that has been rising for a couple of days and for those who can relate to my story, and also for anybody willing to understand my story with an open heart. 

I will forever miss America

3rd Newsletter INA YES to U.S. YP15-16 (Dzikra Handika)

"Leave A Life For Life"

This newsletter has been posted on May 17, 2016 on 
LINK: Leave A Life For Life - Bina Antarbudaya on Medium

2nd Newsletter INA YES to U.S. YP15-16 (Dzikra Handika)

This newsletter has been posted on February 16, 2016 on Newsletter INA YES to U.S - Mid West YP 15-16 (2nd Edition)

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1st Newsletter INA YES to U.S. YP15-16 (Dzikra Handika)

This newsletter has been posted on November 16, 2015 on Newsletter INA YES to U.S - Mid West YP 15-16 (1st Edition)

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Kehidupan di Batavia, Illinois, Amerika Serikat

    Batavia adalah suburban kota Chicago. Suburban adalah suatu pemukiman yang terbentuk karena pertumbuhan jumlah penduduk di kota besar yang melaju cepat. Kalau diibaratkan nih ya: andaikata Chicago itu adalah Medan, maka Binjai adalah Batavianya. Andaikata Jakarta adalah Chicago, maka Bogor adalah Batavianya.

Ehh, tunggu dulu! Chicago itu kota besar yang menjadi tempat syuting beberapa film ternama di Amerika Serikat, bukan? IYA, BENAR.

Cek disini: Movies filmed in Chicago

Chicago

INFORMASI UMUM

Kota: Batavia

County (kabupaten): Kane

State (negara bagian/provinsi): Illinois

Luas Area: 25km2 atau 9.64 sq mi

Jumlah Penduduk: 26,318 Jiwa (perkiraan 2012)

Kepadatan: 1019 jiwa/km2

LOKASI

    Batavia terletak sekitar 41 miles (66 km) dari pusat kota Chicago. Batavia adalah bagian dari Tri-City area, yang merupakan area vernakular bersama kota Geneva dan St. Charles. Jika ketiga kota ini digabung, maka akan terlihat seperti sebuah kota independen karena ketiga kota ini memiliki iklim, keadaan lingkungan dan kondisi perekonomian yang hampir sama. Sudah hal yang lazim jika penduduk Batavia suka berbelanja ke Geneva, atau penduduk Geneva suka mendatangi restoran di St. Charles, atau penduduk St Charles yang berwisata ke Batavia.

LANDMARKS

Sekilas suasana parade Homecoming di Batavia, bersama anggota International Club:

Pusat Kota Batavia
Sumber: classicrealtyhome.com

Pusat Kota Batavia
Sumber: altamanu.com

Salah satu penampakan kota Batavia saat sore

Dari Jembatan Fox River

Batavia High School's Football Field

Near by: Harold Hall Quarry Beach

Dari parkiran Restoran Chilli

Lingkungan perumahan:

KONDISI EKONOMI

    Ini nih bagian favorit saya. Teman-teman pasti tahu bahwa New York City (NYC) adalah kota para milyader di dunia. Tapi, kesenjangan sosial di NYC terbilang tinggi. NYC juga memiliki banyak pengangguran. Sehingga, Batavia memiliki nilai rata-rata pendapatan rumah tangga yang jauh lebih tinggi dari New York City ataupun rata-rata nasional (Amerika Serikat) karena umumnya kondisi perekonomian penduduk Batavia cukup merata. Saya sudah tinggal lebih dari enam bulan di Batavia tetapi saya tidak pernah sekalipun menemukan tuna wismawan.

BATAVIA

Median (nilai tengah) pendapatan rumah tangga per tahun:	$90,228
Pendapatan rumah tangga (rata-rata) per tahun:	$113,923

Sumber: Housing in Batavia

NEW YORK CITY Median (nilai tengah) pendapatan rumah tangga per tahun: $50,711

Median Income in NYC

AMERIKA SERIKAT

Median (nilai tengah) pendapatan rumah tangga per tahun: $51,939

Pendapatan rumah tangga (rata-rata) per tahun: $72,641

Sumber: Household Income in the US

Tapi, jangan salah sangka. Kehidupan di Batavia tidak dipenuhi dengan materialistis dan hedonisme. Saya malah sangat terinspirasi dengan gaya hidup masyarakat Batavia.

Hal yang saya pelajari, adalah:

INDEPENDEN

    Secara keseluruhan, Amerika Serikat mempunyai persentase penduduk sebagai wirausahawan yang lebih tinggi dari Indonesia. Begitu pula dengan Batavia. Banyak penduduk Batavia yang memiliki bisnisnya tersendiri meskipun mereka sudah menyandang status profesi yang lain. Contoh terdekat adalah kedua orang tua angkat saya. Mereka berprofesi sebagai dokter hewan, tetapi mereka juga berprofesi sebagai pemilik klinik hewan tersebut - bahkan mereka punya dua klinik dan memperkerjakan orang lain.

PEKERJA MUDA

    Umumnya anak remaja di Amerika Serikat bekerja paruh waktu untuk perencanaan finansial yang akan digunakan saat memasuki Perguruan Tinggi. Tapi, jumlah pekerja muda di Batavia sangat signifikan.

Hampir di seluruh restoran atau toko di kota Batavia, ada anak SMA sebagai pelayan paruh waktu di dalamnya. Mereka diajarkan mandiri mencari nafkah sejak muda. Terlebih lagi, banyaknya orang dewasa yang memiliki toko atau restoran, sehingga membutuhkan banyak pekerja muda. Mereka tidak malu bekerja, meskipun orang tua mereka terbilang sejahtera secara materi.

RELAWAN

    Di Batavia, banyak sekali tempat untuk mengayomi orang yang kurang mampu. Di sekolah saya, juga banyak sekali klub relawan yang mengumpulkan kebutuhan sandang untuk mereka. Saya pernah menjadi relawan di Batavia Food Pantry. Itu adalah tempat dimana para toko grosir menyumbangkan kebutuhuhan pangan. Yang paling saya kagumi ketika menjadi relawan disana adalah ketika orang-orang yang mendapat bantuan tersebut mengambil kebutuhan secukupnya.

Contoh: A (orang yang mendapat bantuan) berhak mendapatkan 3 botol shampo, 3 bar sabun, 3 buah kotak sereal, 3 kaleng daging. Namun, karena A tahu diri dan hanya mengambil kebutuhan secukupnya, A hanya mengambil 2 botol shampo, 3 bar sabun, 1 kotak sereal dan 3 kaleng daging. Biasanya, orang yang kurang mampu akan mengambil sebanyak-banyaknya, tapi tidak dengan penduduk di sini.

Getting involved in USA

Start Over

Start Over.... The New Life

There was a time, I saw a little boy played with a little girl. They were Indonesian, but they were talking in foreign language - not local language or English either. Oh yes! It was “their own creation language”. They imagined that they were in other country, talk in foreign language. They thought that they were explorers. Because they didn’t understand yet about foreign language, they said non meaning words and imagined that all the words that they said are full meaning words. They didn’t understand what they were talking about, but they were connected with body language and expression, so their conversation looked as real.

Waktu itu, aku lihat ada anak kecil laki-laki main sama temannya, seorang anak kecil perempuan. Mereka orang Indonesia, tapi mereka bicara dalam bahasa asing - bukan bahasa daerah, bukan bahasa inggris juga. Oh yes! Bahasa ciptaan mereka sendiri! Mereka menghayal seolah-olah mereka lagi di luar negeri, bicara dalam bahasa asing. Mereka pikir mereka petualang.  Karena mereka belum ngerti bahasa luar jadinya mereka ngeluarin kata-kata yang gak bermakna seolah itu bahasa asing. Mereka nggak ngerti apa yang mereka bicarakan, tapi mereka seolah terkoneksi dengan “bahasa tubuh, ekspresi dan mimik”, jadinya percakapan mereka terlihat nyata.

Who were they? They were I and my friend.

Me?  Yes! I was a little boy, I just see my past in my memory.

Siapa mereka? Saya dan teman saya :)

Saya? Yaa, anak kecil laki-laki itu “aku yang dulu”, aku melihat “aku yang dulu” di dalam memoriku.

Now,  I am happy because my imagination becomes real. I am officially come into my new world in United States of America (USA), “The Exchange Student World”. I am not travelling, but I will live here for 1 year. The purpose are to introduce Indonesia, bridging understanding about culture and way of thinking, become independent, learn about the detail of USA and learn about myself. Learn about myself? Of course!

Aku bahagia karena akhirnya imajinasiku jadi nyata. Aku resmi masuk ke dunia baru di Amerika Serikat, “Dunia Siswa Pertukaran Pelajar”. Aku bukan jalan-jalan, tapi aku hidup disini selama 1 tahun. Tujuannya memperkenalkan Indonesia, menjembatani pemahaman antarbudaya, belajar menjadi mandiri, belajar tentang seluk-beluk Amerika Serikat dan belajar tentang diriku yang sebenarnya. Belajar tentang diriku? Tentu!

Here, I come into new different world, point of view, culture, lifestyle, the way to communicate and cultural dimension (index of individualism, masculinity, etc.)

Disini, aku masuk di dunia baru yang berbeda.

Sudut pandang, budaya, gaya hidup, cara berkomunikasi dan dimensi kultural (tingkat individualisme, maskulinitas, dll) yang berbeda.

Source: http://geert-hofstede.com/indonesia.html

“ Exchange year is not just a great year in our life, but it is a great life in a year”

“ Tahun pertukaran pelajar bukan hanya 1 tahun hebat dalam hidup kita, tapi kehidupan hebat kita dalam 1 tahun”

It is like I back again to my 1st grade at elementary school. Then, when I finished my exchange year program, I will like graduated from 12th grade.

Duration that I spend from 1st class to 12th class = 624 weeks

Duration that I spend in exchange year = 44 weeks

1 week in exchange year represent 14,18 weeks that I have done in Indonesia and that I will do in USA.
Now, I have been here for almost 9 weeks! YEEAH!

Seolah aku balik kembali ke kelas 1 SD dan ketika aku selesaikan program ini aku seolah lulus dari kelas 12.

Waktu yang aku jalani dari kelas 1 sampai kelas 12 = 624 minggu

Waktu yang aku jalani selama pertukaran pelajar = 44 minggu

1 minggu dalam program pertukaran pelajar ini mewakili 14,18minggu yang telah aku lalui di Indonesia dan akan aku lalui.
Sekarang, aku sudah disini hampir 9 minggu! YEEAH!

Through this program, I correct what I have done so I will be wise in my future.

Melalui program ini, aku mengoreksi apa yang telah aku perbuat di masa lampau sehingga aku bisa bijak di masa yang akan datang.

Youth Exchange & Study Arrival Orientation at
Hilton Washington Dulles Airport - Washington D.C.
August 11-13, 2015

Ags 14, 2015. AFS Students in Northern Illinois Orientation (2nd Batch) with returnees

Ags 14, 2015. Studens with Host Families.

Ags 23, 2015. AFS Camp at Fabyan Forest Preserve, Geneva, Illinois, USA.
AFS Exchange students who hosted in Central & South of Northern Illinois YP15-16

After spent 3 weeks in USA, finally I can think and feel in English. But, because my vocabulary is not as many as the citizen of USA, I don’t talk like as usual when I was in Indonesia.

Setelah 3 minggu pertama berlalu, akhirnya aku bisa berpikir dan berprasangka dalam bahasa Inggris. Tapi karena kosa kataku nggak sebanyak penduduk setempat, aku nggak banyak bicara kaya biasanya.

“Smile, laugh, and cry represents our feeling when we don’t have any words to describe it”
“Senyum, tawa dan tangisan menunjukkan perasaan kita yang tidak bisa kita jelaskan dengan kata-kata”

YES! So when I was gathering with my friend I did so many smile and laugh with little bit talk. Because the way of thinking and point of view of American is different, I was afraid to making any mistakes or make them angry when I found myself very fluent to communicate.

Yes! Jadi pas lagi ngumpul sama teman-teman bule ku ini, aku kebanyakan senyum, ketawa dan hanya sedikit bicara.. Karena cara berpikir dan sudut pandang orang Amerika berbeda, aku takut ketika aku lancar berbicara dapat membuat mereka tersinggung atau marah.

Sometimes, I frustrated. Because, usually I dare to talk in public. I am very active in schools event, I was a leader in Student Council and I have been in several competition and why I become passive?

Kadang saya frustasi, karena biasanya saya berani bicara di depan umum. Saya sangat aktif di kegiatan sekolah, saya pernah menjadi ketua OSIS, dan saya sudah mengikuti banyak kompetisi dan kenapa saya menjadi pasif?

Post Arrival Orientation : Sep 27, 2015 (2nd day)
Camp Dean Road, Big Rock, IL.Students, volunteers, and returnees.

At Post-Arrival Orientation of AFS Northern Illinois, I got enlightenment. Missing family, friends and tired of all differences is not really bad. I have to keep my self to think positive and feel the positive. Almost at every time I suggest myself and say positive affirmation words in my conscience so I become relax again in adaptation.

Di Orientasi Pasca Kedatangan Siswa AFS di Northern Illinois aku mendapatkan pencerahan,

Rindu keluarga, teman dan lelah atas seluruh perbedaan yang aku dapatkan adalah hal yang wajar. Aku tetap perlu berpikir dan berprasangka positif. Hampir setiap saat aku selalu mensugesti diriku dan mengucapkan kalimat afirmasi positif dalam hati sehingga aku kembali nyaman dalam proses adaptasi.

If I never tired to face differences, I will not suggest my self to be positive as many as in exchange year! Now, I confess that I am happy to restart my life. With open-minded I correct my badness before I went to USA and promise to do not do the same fault and make more achievement!

Kalau aku gak pernah di keadaan lelah, aku gak akan pernah mensugesti diriku untuk menjadi positif sebanyak ini!

Sekarang aku katakan kalau aku bahagia untuk mengulang kembali kehidupanku. Dengan pikiran terbuka aku mengkoreksi hal buruk yang telah aku perbuat sebelum di Amerika dan berjanji tak akan mengulangi kesalahan yang sama dan memperbanyak target membuat prestasi.

Regards for our success!
SALAM SUKSES!